• The Black Caller

Today, I choose to be grateful

Updated: Jun 25, 2020

Today, I struggle in finding a way to open this feature.

I have stopped writing for a while, and I understand a lot more of my co-writers are way ahead of me in the field and most of them have already received high recognitions in their poems, stories, and many other forms of literature I can't even name. I have stopped reading for some time as well, and time and time again I attempt to start a book and end up not finishing it. The old days were really good to me, the days when there were no kids, and all I had was either a thick, adventure and magic-filled book or an empty notebook waiting to be filled with whatever was going on in my head during that time.

Life happened. Along with it happening was the slow death of my old self: the voracious reader, the dreamer, the poet, the love letter writer, and the girl who was surrounded by so many friends. In a way, I have become such a recluse, admitting to myself now that there was a time where I hated having to be in the middle of a lot of people and exchange awkward conversations about how good life is. There was a time that I can't even finish reading a magazine or start a poem. There was a time that I have always felt like there was no time - no time for friends, writing, or reading and that the only thing I could ever do is work, go home, sleep, and then repeat the cycle.

One thing was clear to me: this new me has become the person the old me never wanted to be. The old me didn't know though that I was going to be a mother. I became a mother when I was twenty-two, not too young, and definitely within the right period to grow a young family. The only dilemma there was we were not financially ready - with baby number 1, 2, 3, or 4. Well, you would've thought we learned our lesson, right? Well, we didn't... and there are zero regrets.

When we had our children, nothing prepared me for a whole, new revamp in my life. Books don't excite me as much, seeing a blank notebook or a GTEC Point 2 didn't feel like such a thrill and whenever my friends posted pictures of night outs or reunions, yes, I did feel left out but I also understand that as a parent, certain things had to take a back seat.

There are certain moments though, when I have a few minutes to myself, that I think about what could have happened if it went differently for me. I could have been a teacher, I would probably be teaching abroad, I would have made/written a few stories here and there (maybe get published, if I was really lucky), I would have finished more books than my memory can keep up with, I would have married in the middle of my 30's and have a child before turning 40. That sounds like a really wonderful life.

But, it doesn't. My life is only made wonderful with the fact that I am a mother of four beautiful, amazing children. This fact is only made more true two and a half years ago when I first stepped into The Way - a whole new world of Jesus was opened to me, and it didn't take me long to find Jesus and accept him in my life.

Today, I found it hard to open this feature.

But, now here I am about to tell you the blessings that have found its way inside my home.

I never forgot about being such a bookworm or writing lovesick mushy letters or enjoying time with friends - but now, I am in my new normal: being a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, and a child of God. This new me is the better version of the old me.

I am not teaching abroad but I work with international clients as a real estate virtual assistant. I lead a team of female cold calling machines and help inspire women to be more than just ordinary moms. I live my life dedicated to spreading the word of the Lord and helping out with a generous spirit, no matter how small or how big the help is, ripples of love and hope are whats important.

Our society has always perceived mothers to be the weaker contributor because they are not earning or paying taxes while the husband does the heavy work of bringing home the bacon. I plan to change that mindset with the moms here in Iloilo City. Mothers can both cook food and success, brew soup and business, shower not only babies but also blessings.

Today, I wrote. Tomorrow, I will probably read a few pages in the book I started a few weeks ago. I might enjoy a cup of coffee with friends one day soon once the lockdown is over. Most importantly, every day I get to be a mom to my children - and that probably is the most priceless yet valuable thing a woman can ever do!

So here I am, ending this feature with a reminder: be grateful in the changes that come in your life, for they are what shape you to the new you!

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